First Date
by Porter Bailey
Summary: Mr. Baldwin and Ms. Lips meet up for their first date.


Mr. Baldwin sat at the small table and blew his straw across the tablecloth. It rolled a few inches before reversing back towards his outstretched finger.

"So the table isn't even," he concluded, feeling it wobble beneath his hands.

Daniel leaned back in his seat, folding his arms over his burdened stomach. He noticed the waiter returning out of the corner of his eye, and snatched the menu off the table. Baldwin pretended to peruse it with great interest, instead of numbly reading it for the millionth time. The waiter was going to another table, and Baldwin set the menu down. He knew exactly what he wanted, but he couldn't order it. He was still waiting.

He'd _been_ waiting. Sitting idly in the corner of the tacky Mexican restaurant, for exactly thirty minutes, as his wristwatch had been taunting him. Ms. Lips was yet to show. Baldwin tried to stay optimistic, which was quite a feat for one normally so pessimistic. He'd managed it for the first ten minutes, but his happiness was beginning to dwindle. Baldwin wished his phone wasn't so old, then he might have a screen to occupy himself. There was a TV on at the bar, which he could see from his seat, but it was on a Spanish channel, and Baldwin's Spanish was limited to light conversation. He couldn't order anything more to drink, otherwise he'd have to revisit the restroom.

Baldwin wished he could order a real drink. Maybe then he wouldn't feel so anxious. He polished the lenses of his glasses on his shirt. The same yellow shirt he'd been wearing at school that day. He'd had no time to go home and change, having detention duty after school had let out. Not that any of his nicer clothes would fit him at this point, but he wanted to make a concerted effort. Daniel hadn't been on a date in ages. Not exactly since 1986, which was just an exaggeration, but it felt that way sometimes.

At that moment, however, it wasn't much of a date if the second person wasn't even there. Baldwin tried to chalk up Ms. Lips' absence to a reasonable explanation. Maybe her car wouldn't start, or she got a flat tire, or maybe a sinkhole swallowed her house. If that was the case, it would explain why she hadn't called to tell him about it. The sinkhole ate her phone.

"Sinkholes don't form in fish tanks," he sighed to himself.

Daniel flipped his phone open and bit his lip. He wanted to text her, but he didn't want to seem paranoid. He took a deep breath and texted a simple "hey" to her number, then hastily shoved his cell phone back in his breast pocket. The babies residing in his pouch squirmed. Dan massaged the side of his stomach. They were as anxious as he was. Daniel wasn't sure why Lulu Lips had agreed to the dinner date. Didn't she know he was pregnant? Wasn't she the least bit suspicious? Was she interested in the slightest? Was it a dare? A prank? Reflux welled up in his throat and he downed some of the water in his glass.

He picked at the sample of chips and salsa left on the table. Baldwin wasn't terribly hungry, but he snacked when he was nervous. Dan ate his feelings, even more so now that he was expecting. The door at the entrance swung open, and Daniel looked up from the table. Ms. Lips rushed in, red-faced and frantic. She knew she was late. Daniel smiled in relief. He picked up the menu and tried to look distracted as the waiter showed her to the table.

"Hey," Daniel looked up, pretending to be surprised.

"Hi! I'm so, so sorry," Lulu said, hanging the coat on the back of the chair.

As she sat down, Dan kicked himself for not having pulled her seat out for her. Getting up from his seat might have been more trouble than it was worth, but he still had wanted to be a gentleman.

"I was a bit worried," Dan confessed.

"I'm sure. I had an emergency parent conference. I meant to call you, but my phone went dead. My charger snapped in half last night. My little Attila keeps chewing my cords."

"Attila?"

"My baby kitty!"

"You have a catfish?"

Ms. Lips dipped one of the tortilla chips in the salsa. "Is that a problem?" Dan thought she sounded a little defensive.

"No, no! I've just never had pets before. I guess I get a little excited when other people have them."

Given everything Daniel was already allergic to -bees, nuts, a great number of plant species- he was surprised catfish weren't one of them. In this case, he was grateful.

"So, you like catfish?"

"I don't have much experience with them, to be honest. And now…" Dan hesitated. Should he even mention the babies? "Now isn't the best time for me to get a pet."

"Ah. Well, I've always had at least one catfish. Ever since I was little."

"I, uh, had a few pets here and there. Depending on the family I was with at the time."

"Which family…? Oh! You're a-?"

"Foster kid. Yeah. I wasn't adopted until my teens."

Lulu ate a few more of the chips, unsure of how to respond.

"Ah, sorry. Downer."

"Aw jeez, I'm a psychologist even. I hear this stuff all the time, but I mostly deal with teenagers. I guess I don't meet many adults who…"

Baldwin snaked one of his hands across the table and held one of Lips' tentacles.

"It's fine. Really," he said.

Lulu blushed at the contact. Upon realizing what he was doing, Baldwin turned beet red himself. He nervously pulled his hand back off the table.

"Sorry," he said.

"That was sweet. I was actually a bit nervous, myself."

"If I can be honest, I haven't been on a date in a while."

"Yeah? Actually, I haven't either. My job keeps me busy, and when I get home, I guess I don't really want to do much other than relax."

"Right? I'm exhausted constantly. If I could sleep for a straight week, I'd do it."

"Count me in," Lulu smiled, glancing over the menu.

The waiter returned to the table, and the seahorse and squid ordered their food. Lulu ordered herself a drink, but didn't seem phased when Daniel politely declined an adult beverage. The duo chatted idly until their food came, and even when it did, they seemed more interested in each other than their meals. Daniel learned that Lulu was an only child that found more love in her pets than friends. In fact, Lulu was hard pressed to find any friends in her school years, and got along well with her teachers. In return, she learned that Daniel had a myriad of different siblings over the years, and really only had one good friend at all times, including in his adulthood. His parents, the ones that adopted him, only had one biological child, but had a total of nine daughters. Dan was their only son, and Lulu learned he had desperately wanted a brother when he was a kid. Lulu was envious of his several sisters, though he assured her she shouldn't be.

"They're a pain in the neck!"

"At least you have siblings," Lulu laughed, sipping her drink. "I wanted to put makeup on other girls, have karaoke nights, and paint nails and all that!"

"I wanted to play video games and compare comic collections."

"And a girl couldn't do that?"

"Well, one of my sisters did, anyway. Another was a jock, but she just liked to wrestle me. Wasn't gentle, either…" Dan paused, patting his chest with his fist.

"You alright?" Lips asked, sounding truly concerned.

"Yeah. Fine. It's just…it's reflux. I suppose Mexican food isn't sitting with me as well as I'd predicted."

"I should have asked. I should've assumed the spicy food might have affected you. Were you prone to morning sickness early on in your gestation?"

"…what?"

'She does know,' he thought, but admittedly relaxed a little.

"Early in your pregnancy, was there a lot of morning sickness?"

"I did. I don't have much anymore, but I do have occasional reflux issues," Baldwin trailed off.

Lips could sense his air of discomfort.

"What? Are you okay?"

"Fine. It's just…I didn't know you knew that I'm…"

Lips raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "Um, no offense, but I'm pretty sure everyone in the vicinity of Freshwater High knows you're pregnant at this point. I mean you are a bit…on the large side. Oh gosh, I'm sorry! That was rude. Did I offend you?"

Baldwin leaned back in his chair, surprised that he was surprised by this comment. He folded his hands over the top of his stomach.

"And…you don't think it's weird or anything? That I'm pregnant?" Daniel asked.

"Not really. Lots of people want kids."

"But you don't think it's odd that someone in my position would want to date right now?"

"I'll admit, it's different, but as long as you don't have another partner, I'm not bothered by it. Besides, if it's your appearance you're worried about, I…I think your kinda' cute," Ms. Lips said, her cheeks turning pink.

Daniel's whole body felt like it was flushing.

"Really?" He asked, tugging at his shirt collar.

"I was flattered you asked me out. Did you think I wasn't going to come?"

Daniel sighed. He felt the undulations of his brood from deep within him.

"I've had dates that didn't work out. Even before I was an expectant father."

"I know how that feels," Lulu nodded.

"I'm sorry that you do."

"But, hey, if the food's bothering you, we can go somewhere else. I don't mind."

"No, no. It's fine," Daniel lied. He didn't want to disrupt the already lovely evening.

"I insist. In fact, I have a great idea for where we can go. You'll like it."

"Let me at least pay the check," Daniel offered.

"Such a gentleman. Fair enough."

Ms. Lips and Mr. Baldwin sat in the latter's car, parked on the edge of rock cliff. They were being shown a beautiful view of the sunset, the deep orange colors radiating from the window at the front of the pet store. They scooped ice cream into their mouths with plastic spoons. Baldwin had chosen vanilla, and Lips strawberry.

"How'd you know I liked ice cream?" Daniel asked.

"Well, let's see. One, everyone likes ice cream, and two, you're pregnant," Lulu said.

"That's a stereotype!"

"Says the fish with a pickle jar in his backseat."

"Okay, you got me there," he snorted.

Ms. Lips let her eyes rove around her date's car. Aside from being a little bit junky, and the carpet needing some deep cleaning, it wasn't a bad interior. She noticed that he hadn't installed any car-seats yet, and was admittedly a little curious if he had any baby stuff at all. She admittedly couldn't help feeling the slightest bit jealous; she'd always wanted kids, but had never gotten around to it. Her eyes landed on the "Baby Aboard" sticker that was stuck to the window, and chuckled aloud.

"What?" Baldwin asked.

"That sticker. You honestly don't strike me as the type that would put one in your window."

Baldwin craned his neck to see what she was talking about. "Oh, yeah. One of my friends stuck that there. It'd be too much of a hassle to remove it, so I just ignore it."

"Cod, if I was having kids, I'd make such a fuss about it. I love babies."

"Really? I feel kind of indifferent about it. Right now, at least."

"Wait, this wasn't an artificial insemination thing?" She gestured to his bump.

"Heh, no. Not exactly. The mother and I…we…it's a little complicated."

"She's not in your life anymore?"

"That's a nice way of putting it," he said.

"Cod, she's not…is she dead?"

"No, no, no. She's alive and well, I assure you."

Ms. Lips felt uncomfortable for having asked. She could tell by Daniel's face that he was more tense having discussed it. Lulu looked around the car, eager for a distraction. She found one.

"Hey!" She picked up a tape case, "I didn't know you were a Fish Styx fan!"

"Oh yeah! Huge fan! You know their stuff?" He'd cheered up, like she'd hoped.

"I was a college student in the 80s, too, Dan," she nudged his shoulder.

Baldwin eagerly flipped the tape player on, and the tune of "Come Sail Away" flowed out of the speakers.

 _iA gathering of angels,  
Appeared above my head,  
They sang to me this song of hope,  
And this is what they said…/i_

"Ah! This is one of my favorites!" Lulu said.

"It's about a guy who gets abducted by aliens. I feel like not a lot of fish know that," Dan added.

"I thought I read that somewhere."

"Anyway, I could play this on the piano a long time ago, but I'm pretty sure I've forgotten it by now. Practiced for ages. No sheet music."

"Perks of having fingers," Lulu said, waving one of her tentacles.

"Well, at least you could ride a bike," Daniel shrugged.

"Very true."

Daniel Baldwin sipped the rest of the now-melted ice cream, and leaned the driver's seat back. Having just consumed a great deal of sugar, his fry were having a heyday. Shoving the empty cup into one of the holders, he folded his arms over his bump and tried to ignore their crazed movement.

'Well, now I don't have to worry about falling asleep,' he thought to himself.

He leaned his head against the car door and watched the glow of the sun as it descended into the horizon. It was like a melting orange. Daniel looked over at his date, who seemed to be completely entranced by the setting sun. Feeling a bit brave, though slightly nauseous, he lay one of his hands on top of her left tentacle. Ms. Lips noticed immediately, blushing at the contact. He snatched his hand away, feeling embarrassed at going to quickly.

"Sorry…" he sighed.

Hesitating for a moment, Lulu then leaned her head on his shoulder, and hugged him around his middle. Daniel felt so embarrassed by this display of affection. He hadn't done anything like this in a long time. The Fish Styx tape switched over to the song "Lady," another favorite of his.

iLady when you're with me I'm smiling  
Give me a-a-all your love  
Your hands build me up when I'm sinking  
Touch me and my troubles all fade./i

Lulu leaned over and pecked him on the cheek, and chuckled as Baldwin blushed even redder.

"This has been…nice," Daniel managed.

"It has," Lulu nodded, "we should do this again sometime."

Daniel's heart pounded excitedly. "Sure. Absolutely!"

"Wonderful!"

"Maybe not Mexican food, though," he added hastily.

Ms. Lips busted out laughing. "Sure, sure. I'll go get coffee with you."

"You said it makes you queasy."

"Then we'll be even!"


End file.
